You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
