Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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