it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize