Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Is Oprah even human
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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