It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
