Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
