Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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