no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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