I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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