Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
