Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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