The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
