M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
