I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
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