You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
