WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
