I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
