I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
