she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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