Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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