my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
