the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
How drunk are you?
Completed.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
