he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
