The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
People in love make me want to vomit
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
