And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
