I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
