i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
