We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
