I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
