I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
