david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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