similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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