Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
