Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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