how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
