Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
