My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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