$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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