yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
