Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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