I got chris browned last night
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
