I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize