my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
