honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
