The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
