Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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