i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
