Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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