Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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