Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I hope mine doesn't look like that
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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