also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
