Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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