...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
