so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
