I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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