haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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