Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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