My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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