don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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