and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
