No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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