Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
