WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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