Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
