some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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