I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
