OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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