I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
