she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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