i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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