a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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