Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
