a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You smell like stripper and shame
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
