Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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