Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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