I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
