I think I died a long time ago.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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